The desire to be seen is a primal human need, and under the guise of many names it drives our behaviors and shapes society. Tara Howley, co-founder of AOA, joins Brett for a conversation about the importance of being seen, why many of us fear it, and how shame colors our experience of it. They also explore the role of curiosity in resolving conflicts and deepening connections, and how our societal mores prevent people from being seen in important ways that have far-reaching consequences.
They also cover:
• Signs and symptoms of an unowned or unseen desire to be seen
• Fear of being arrogant or prideful
• The impact of parents not seeing their children’s accomplishments
• The disallowed parts of ourselves that we need to see
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"What wants to be seen?" LOVE this!! Thanks, Brett and Tara for sharing this conversation with us!
topics I would love you to cover: 1) on healing our capacity to give and receive, this is hard for a lot of people who grow to be hyper independent or self sufficient 2) re-entering social situations, mindset of being a person who is just easy to be with
Another good podcast. And Brett does a great job on all of these podcasts, the questions that he asks demonstrate his insight and wisdom. Memorable quote from this session: "Be the seeing you want to be"
What a "golden" conversation. Thank you both. I see the beautiful work and words you are providing to your audience.
Tara. 🥰
Thank you
Under the rock… being seen and heard…. Passive aggressive, aggression …. Someone – the internal cry …please see (blindness) and hear me (hearing), when will it be my turn, pause for self recognition too,
Excellent thanks very much 😮😅❤.
They told me that this is ADHD and it’s the need for validation. I do work better on acknowledgment most jobs. You don’t get that anymore.
Amazing thank you 🙏
This was mind blowing. I cannot imagine her heart energy and peace of mind. To see oneself and be in such a deep acceptance. No hunger, no competition, nowhere to run away.
If you start asking questions to see and hear them and you are dealing with a narcissist in the boardroom or outside, what does that look like? Does it work?
These days I operate so high Jesus Christ consciousness , I dont care anymore who sees me…How can I be scared of being seen if I’m operating from love and compassion and making decision for the highest good of all, no just for me.
I wasn’t seen as a child. I had no needs or wants. No boundaries.. as I’m getting older I adore being seen and heard by my loved ones. And I can take up space more to be seen and heard by strangers even though my nervous system tells me no… As a woman, we get “you’re doing it for attention” like what does that even really mean? If I post a photo of me dressed up… if I post something happy or crying…. It’s all for attention? To me it’s about being authentic and expressing all the rays of my human existence for me. Not just the highlight reels. I just stop caring what people think of me because it’s so uncontrollable. I love to be seen and heard because that’s a big component of love.
Why would we be here, expressing ourselves, if no one would pay any attention when we shared it? Seeing and being seen are two sides of the same fabric of interactive reciprocation.
This woman💜 oh man she got it💜
How is being seen complicated by childhood abuse? If the only time the child experiences being seen is related to being the focus of someone else's pleasure?
Beautiful conversation. So helpful ❤
It's only at @1:05 and I'm already f_¢ked.😂 This "seen and be seen" phenomenon begins immediately after birth!?!
Really love this video, thanks, going to watch this a few more times to see how I can integrate the advice. I think in my case being seen as a child was more of a safety issue, as it could trigger an unsafe situation at home – my dad was bipolar and could turn from a happy mood into a truly explosive mood in seconds without any good reason – so I always was the quiet, good child and also disconnected from my emotions because I didn't know how to express or handle them (no good rolemodels). So shame had nothing to do with it in my case. And now as an adult, I've only just begun to uncover the fact that this fact that being seen means unsafety for me is what is holding me back, keeping me from connecting with others… and at the same time I deeply long to be seen of course…
I was once a public figure. I did interviews, & signed autographs. I no longer want to be seen, it hurts. I don't want to be seen. I want it to stop hurting when i am. I have plenty of compassion for others, none for myself.
so does the want to be seen always coe with the fear of being seen? Its difficult for me to tell where I am, I think im more on the fear of being seen side, but at the same time i want to be seen. Send help please!
this talk has so many details in it that Ill ave to watch it a couple more times I think. Its all connected somehow? I have no access to my wild or my anger, it would be a huge win if I was able to loosen that knot. I would like to dessolve it completely if possible.
Oh gosh your smiles are so warm, deep, and light❤❤❤ Thank you for the wisdom you shared😊
MOre Taraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I love this channel. I’m so happy to have found such sensitive, beautiful people.
What a nice, wise woman 🙏
More with Tara please🥰
Sometimes I question some of these therapists. If one wants to be seen, then we must see others as we would want to be seen correct? However, what if you give so much of yourself in seeing others and don’t see a return? Then I thought we perhaps need to stop giving that energy to others and give that energy to yourself first. I wish that more of this aspect would’ve been covered. Lord knows I have given so much of myself “ seeing others” because I am doing the work but what happens when others aren’t doing the work and don’t get it? What is happening is that we don’t get it in return! And that’s draining and self deflating. I do believe it sinks you further into your shadow. However I will take the nugget of wisdom that she said towards the end where she says really feel it in your body feel it ricochet like a pinball inside your body. I have not taken the time to do this, to give MYSELF all the energy and to turn my observations and acknowledgment inwards first.
what can trigger me when I am complimented: the weight of expectation to continue being the one and only to bring all the effort to the table. On the other hand: most of the times I doubt, someone else could do as good a job .. a mix of pride and anger .. and sometimes tired to carry the weight.
Thanks for your sharings .. lot's to reflect on.
you are so great! ❤
a short and direct we to us, to be seen by us (witch is abig part of the desire): feel love, feel the warmth of your love, then tirn it to yourself: the love new mean you, the warmth is for you, warm love feeling for yourself. 2 min/d and more when ever you need it.
❤❤❤❤
Be the seeing you want to see in the world?
I'm Tara-fied!
I can ‘see’ why Joe loves Tara ❤
The first time I saw Tara and heard her speak, I felt tears in my eyes. I instantly thought, “I want to be like this woman.” She has such a warm, motherly, loving, and wise energy. It’s beautiful.
It could be getting a bit confusing. I think it’s a shame that it’s apparently not the norm, but rather an exception, for people to present themselves in a way that I, unfortunately, can’t quite put into words. Why are people so different? Perhaps this should also be viewed from an evolutionary perspective; if so, there might be hope. We’ve evolved; I mean, the wildness mentioned in the video is different from the wildness in early human history. I’ve already encountered an angel. Anyway: I believe in angels.
Sometimes we just need a good seeing to. 😊
I’ve never felt seen by anyone in my entire life.
Female, 53.
Narcissist mother, absent father. Never married.
What about the desire to see beans?