The first characteristic of a love avoidant is that they don’t want intimacy within the relationship because they’re seeking intensity outside the relationship. They’re resistant to professional help, hyper-self-dependent, poor at communicating, and limit their physical affection.
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Let's not pretend we can reach them or fix them. Don't waste years of your life begging for crumbs.
I've had two avoidants, first I learned what the F was going on, second, I was semi prepared but still ran away like clockwork
They keep you tethered and starving.
They have one set of rules for you and another for themselves particularly re exclusivity,but lie about this and lots of other things.
Impossible to trust.
Spot on!!
That nails it!
Bullocks, as an avoidant I spent much of my early years developing my communication skills and I know I’m very effective at it.
They never say what they want or feel. But tell you, you’re thinking for them. They take bits and pieces of a conversation and make an argument with it. They criticize everything. Can go months and weeks without physical intimacy. Nothing you say or do can change their mind. They act like they like you, but don’t. And so if you are an anxious attachment , your caught in the loop of making it work but it never does
I’m the opposite with intimacy I want a lot and it makes me feel loved and lusted at age 15 bc truma and aboundment issues and I seek support ect and I have depression and adhd and fasd ect
🤮🤢
Nothing made sense , choosen myself
Disagree
Exactly. All at once.
Can you explain what you mean by seeking intensity outside of the relationship?
I know this seemed obvious, but I’m curious to what extent do you mean seeking intensity? What type?
I agree, and this guy really captures what I feel about my wife. Although we're at the divorce stage, I'm convinced she isn't aware that she does all these things. I feel sorry for her, but sharing this video would likely only make the situation worse…
this also matches the narcissist
Yup. I was the last to know about anything happening in his life.
Well stated! This is him. Listening to this is like 🎰 – lol – what is wrong with me that I love him?
I love him, what’s the best way to show him that he’s an advoidant and not push him away
How to stop this?
What’s the point of seeking intimacy with others then the one you’re with? Why would any woman want that
I want to ask a question….my avoidant ex broke up with me. But I always wonder if I would suggest him to seek professional help, would he work? He believes you should control your emotions. Just answer my specific question.
Can someone explain to me what is "seeking intensity outside of the relationship"
Wtf?? O God! Are they mental in reality?
The DA I dated was controlling, though subtle he was and it would come out in his communication. He also used coke and alcohol to cope and that didn’t help things at all. Sadly, he reminded me of my mom and I thought if he loved me, I’d heal which was nonsensical. He dropped me after something that he did had an impact on me. I was devastated but am starting to feel relief. Sadly , I had to return to therapy and EMDR has been recommended.
Not 100%, but this is like closest you're going to get. They are the final boss for a a Narcissist. And lately narcissists have been making aloooooot of videos that just aren't accurate. Thisnis the closests you are going to get to the truth. When we pull away, either we need a break because you're overstimulating us. Or you broke our trust. An Avoidant will never yell, they will argue but voices will never be raised. Dishes will bever thrown. Cars will bever be keyed. It is survival. There are flight, fight, and freeze. Avoidant is freeze. Freezing let's us observe, let's us plan, and then we are out. Think of a mouse fr9zen in front of a cat. Maybe you don't realize you are the cat. But your and play hvitserk's choice ( a song) that is the perfect way to describe an avoidant. You've cheated. They might mention something, but most don't. Trust is broken, you said something that they told you in confidence. Trust is broken. You can apologize but that trust IS NEVER coming back. It broken, you're not getting back. It ALWQYS stems from hostile childhood environments. Everyone goes to parents and that's not necessarily true. School, clubs. This is someone who had THE WORST of abuse. They tried to say something, they cried for help. There no help. So they had to learn how to survive a different was and that was to shush, pay attention, and learn the exits.
My best friend 😅 still love them
You couldn’t have explained it any better
Sooo, is there a cure?
Unfortunately, I discovered this after 30 years of marriage. Now what?
Just met someone who I could see childhood neglect from…he constantly does things for me but what I need is a partner who can show affection emotionally and consists tly. In alot of comments I'm not reading that their partners an avoidant rather a narcissist.The avoidant I am experiencing has a heart of gold however….my needs matter- I'm simple…I need my partner to show love emotionally .I'm over 50 and don't feel it's my duty to heel then nor do I feel it's possible when they have no clue of what they are doing.My heart goes out to those who were neglected of emotional love from their family BUT I do not have that issue and I deserve to find my happyness and there is no way I will ever feel fulfilled breadcrumbing for basic human needs…love.
sounds like some traits of a narcissist
What do you mean seeking intensity that is beyond vague to my Lehman ears
They are looking for the exactly same things as any other human being. They just realy bad at wanting to be healed from trauma
SOUND LIKE A NARCISSISTIC 1000% 2 ME I HAVE A 70 yr OLD ONE AND EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID IS HIM.
You explained all areas of my partner
Remmember people, you will feel bad for a week or a month. They feel bad for a lifetime, and you can find that EXACT intensity and oh so much more in a healthy relationship.
You are not losing them, they are losing you.
They don't have the capacity for healthy adult relations. They are underdeveloped and stunted.
😢 Lucky me. Living the nightmare now
you described me exactly
one day my ex girlfriend told me that I was an avoidant and ive been trying to fix this since that day
I will not have a new relationship until I fix this
That's me. How do I stop
What about those who like you and value you a lot, they can show passion in sex, as well as empathy and affection but when something is starting to grow the just back off?
Aren’t they avoidants?
TRUE👍👍
Wow thats my ex